


Sweet Insanity

by lumenbriide



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Angst, Depression, Drama, Gen, Sci-Fi, Self-Harm, Tragedy, platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 08:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10693008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumenbriide/pseuds/lumenbriide
Summary: "Were we really once brothers?" Anakin Skywalker rejected the Dark Side on the planet Mustafar; but the damage has already been done. In order to prevent the execution of his former partner, Obi-Wan takes Anakin into exile, and acts as his warden. But Anakin is now mute, Obi-Wan suffering from depression, and they are snowbound. Will they survive the winter?





	Sweet Insanity

Silence. Nothing but silence. Uncomfortable, and it made him want to scream to the Force for something, anything. Relief – was that what he was looking for? A reprieve? A way out, an escape from this life he was forced to live.

No, not forced really. It was his choice. If he hadn’t offered his service, they would’ve killed him. He couldn’t let that happen, couldn’t let him die. No matter what he had done, the horror he had created, he would not let his brother get executed. Not when he had come back, repented. Horrified of what he had just done, terrified of what the Council might do. Obi-Wan had seen the fear in his eyes, and without thinking , had offered to be Anakin’s warden.

Naboo? No. Kiros? No. _Blast it_. He had to find some place where they could stay, somewhere in solitude, far from their reach. Felucia? Yes, maybe Felucia. Though it was inhabited, there were really only a few farms here and there. No heavy population. Yes, they could live on Felucia.

He punched in the coordinates to the ship, and they jumped into hyperspace. Once again, it was silent in the ship. No talking of any sort. Anakin sat in the back, knees drawn up to his chest, head resting against the wall, eyes closed. Obi-Wan glanced back at him, and sighed. The past week had been plain horror for the both of them, but especially for Anakin. He still didn’t know exactly what had happened that night of the Purge, only a few facts here and there.

Palpatine was the Sith Lord. The clones revolted – led by Anakin. He had slaughtered the Jedi, then moved onto Mustafar. Mace Windu, who had survived Anakin’s attack missing one limb, had been the one to contact Obi-Wan. He had gone to Mustafar, and then watched in shock as Anakin choked his wife with the Force until she fell unconscious on the platform.

There had been a duel, between the two of them. Friends turned enemies. Until finally, somewhere among that time, Obi-Wan must’ve said something. He couldn’t remember what it was, but it had made Anakin pause and actually listen. It had done the impossible: it had brought him back to the light. Darth Vader was gone as quickly as he had come.

What happened after that all a blur. He remembered a trial in the ruins of the Temple with the rest of the surviving Jedi. Mace’s cold, emotionless voice as he ordered that Anakin be put to death. The Council was willing to defy and break every ancient moral, Code, and law of the Jedi just to see Anakin Skywalker executed.

What he _did_ remember was his own voice crying out, jumping at Anakin’s defense, and then the word “exile.” It was a compromise – Anakin would be allowed to live, but he was expelled from the Jedi Order, banished from what remained of the Republic, and…and Obi-Wan was his warden. His guard. When Anakin left the Temple, so did Obi-Wan.

So here they were, two broken, tired, banished men, in a tiny little shuttle with no place to go but the farthest reaches of the galaxy, where the Republic didn’t exist. Sure, during the Clone War, there had been a medical base above Felucia, but that was long gone. Obi-Wan had considered Tatooine, but had ruled that out because of Anakin’s past.

So they just sat there, and waited to arrive at their destination.

* * *

It was a tiny place, humble, nothing to gloat about. A little shack, surrounded by the dense forestry of Felucia, the towering plants nearly completely concealing their new ‘home.’ It was abandoned, so Obi-Wan had decided this was where they would stay. Close enough to the nearest market place so that they wouldn’t starve – far enough so that the Republic nor the Imperials would be able to find them.

Four rooms: two bedrooms, a kitchen, and a sitting room. That was all. But it was only the two of them, so it would be alright. Obi-Wan threw his small sack of belongings in one corner, and frowned. No furniture. Oh well – the Council had been gracious enough to give him a few hundred credits to work with. They would make do.

He looked backwards, and saw Anakin standing in the sitting room, observing the small shack with a distant look in his eyes. He looked so…lost. As if he was struggling just to hold onto reality.

Slowly, Obi-Wan walked over to him and gently touched his arm. “Do you want to put your stuff in your room?” He motioned to the small backpack Anakin was clinging too.

Instead of answering, Anakin turned and locked eyes with Obi-Wan. Suddenly, once again, Obi-Wan found himself swept away in the current of intensity and emotions that made up Anakin Skywalker. Those crystal blue eyes he had known for over a decade… Quickly, Obi-Wan looked away, and pointed to the second bedroom. “You should put your stuff in there. We have to make this place look civilized.”

 A silent nod was his answer, and Anakin walked into the room and placed his pack on the ground. Obi-Wan remained where he was, lost in thought.

 The next few days were going to be _hard_.

* * *

“Anakin.” Obi-Wan voice was gentle but persistent as he held out the plate of food at his former Jedi partner. Once again, Anakin didn’t reply, but drew away.

“Anakin, you need to eat.”

He just shook his head, frowning.

They were both sitting  on the floor because the table and chairs hadn’t been assembled. Obi-Wan had gone to the market to get food and supplies; and when he had arrived, he had found Anakin bleeding in the corner of his bedroom, a razor blade lying next to him. Fortunately, the boy hadn’t cut deep enough to do any permanent harm, but still, the sight had made Obi-Wan sick. It was then that he realized he wouldn’t be able to leave Anakin alone for the next few days, maybe weeks.

As his ward, it was his job to keep Anakin alive. In the beginning, he had assumed it would be just like what he had been doing as Anakin’s mentor. But now, he realized, he needed to keep Anakin alive _against his will_.

Biting his lip, Obi-Wan once again held out the food. “Please, Anakin, eat. You haven’t eaten since yesterday – you’re hungry.”

Anakin just drew back into the corner more, still shaking his head.

 _He hasn’t spoken since the trial_ , Obi-Wan thought to himself bitterly. It was true. The last time Anakin had opened his mouth to speak had been a week ago, after the trial, when he had collapsed against Obi-Wan sobbing, begging him for forgiveness and constantly saying “I’m sorry.”

Finally, Obi-Wan put the food down on the floor, and walked away.

* * *

Two days passed. Anakin ate some, not nearly as much as he should have been. Obi-Wan felt himself slowly slipping into depression, and sometimes it took every Jedi trick he knew to keep from screaming, to keep his sanity. They had picked a bad time to move to Felucia – it was winter, and two days after moving in they were snow bound. Luckily, Obi-Wan had stored up on food and fuel. Unfortunately, they were trapped in the tiny cabin by a constant blizzard.

Obi-Wan sat on a chair before the fire, slowly reading his data-pad. More news about the fight with the Empire. Rumors of a Rebellion. All part of a world he had left behind, a galaxy he no longer belonged to. After ten minutes, he shut off the pad and put it down, not wanting to read anymore. He turned, and saw Anakin sitting in the corner, as he usually did now. Obi-Wan had assembled chairs – he simply refused to use them. Two days ago, he had also realized Anakin didn’t use his bed either. After trying to persuade him and then realizing Anakin wouldn’t sleep anywhere else, Obi-Wan had finally just given him several warm blankets and let him be.

No more sharp objects in the house – Obi-Wan had even destroyed his own lightsaber. Anakin’s had been taken by the Council. They lived like peasants, but neither seemed to care anymore. Anakin was mute, Obi-Wan struggling to not go crazy. His arguments had proven fruitless, so Obi-Wan found himself forced to just give food to Anakin and hope he’d eat it, give him instructions and pray he’d follow them. Simple things, little things, he would have to order, or Anakin wouldn’t do them. Wouldn’t eat, drink, sleep. Wouldn’t come near the fire even if he was blue from the cold; their cabin had no heat.

It was tiring, exhausting, and Obi-Wan began to wonder if he had made the right choice.

* * *

 

Each day dragged by with such slag that one afternoon Obi-Wan found himself throwing the chrono against the wall, screaming murder at it. Even when it was shattered into a million pieces, he made sure he swept them all up and threw them in the fire, red in his eyes. Anakin just watched noiselessly from the corner.

Once he was done, Obi-Wan groaned, and ran a hand through his hair. He looked at Anakin, and frowned. The boy was growing dangerously thin. He looked cold, starved, sleep deprived, and the pain he held in his eyes hadn’t lessened, only magnified.

He was failing, Obi-Wan thought wearily, and he collapsed onto a wooden chair and dropped his head into his hands. Failing himself, failing to keep Anakin alive.

Finally, he opened his eyes, and stared at the fire. Then, he turned to Anakin and pointed to the chair next to him. “Come near the fire, Anakin, you’re freezing.”

Slowly, Anakin got up and moved over near the fire. But he ignored the chair, and sat down on the floor at Obi-Wan’s feet.

The former Jedi Master sighed, and shook his head. “I bought furniture for a reason, Anakin.”

No reply, as usual.

Exasperated, he got up, and began pacing the room. The snow now covered the windows and doors – they were trapped. And the idea of it unsettled him. _Why did this have to happen? Why’d I offer to do this?_

He looked at the young man sitting by the fire, and breathed out, closed his eyes, forced himself to calm down. _To keep him alive, that’s why._

His mind flashed back to memories, laughing, joking, smiling – he remembered two men, two partners, two brothers…inseparable. _Were we really once that?_ It seemed hard to believe, because those days, those memories, seemed so far away, like a dream. Was it a dream? He stared at Anakin, and lowered his eyes. It didn’t seem to make any sense, how they could’ve once been so close, and now so torn apart. Obi-Wan felt a heaviness fall over his heart as reality hit him. Their past as best friends, partners…their bond…was gone. It disappeared when the Empire had arisen, when the Jedi Order had fallen. They were two strangers, just trying to stay alive in a frosty prison. Obi-Wan looked out the snow covered window with sad eyes, mind lost in thought.

_Were we really once brothers?_

* * *

 

He needed to hear something, anything. He was going to go crazy from the silence. He paced the room, breathing awkward and out of rhythm. He needed to hear another voice, a human voice. He had lived in complete silence for nearly three months now, except for his own voice. It was going to make him insane.

Finally, he stopped pacing, and looked at Anakin, who was sitting in a corner by the fire.

“Say something,” he said. His voice sounded strained, almost un-natural.

Anakin looked up at him silently, eyes searching his face.

Obi-Wan frowned, and shook his head, a desperate look in his eyes. “Say something, Anakin, or I am going to go crazy. You can talk – I know you can talk! Say something!” When he still received no answer, suddenly, he grabbed a glass from the table and hurled it against the wall, relishing the crashing noise it created. “Force-damn it, Anakin! Say anything! Just say something!”

No answer. Obi-Wan gaped at the younger man. _Do you really want to see me go insane?_ “Anakin, please!”

Finally, Obi-Wan lunged forward, and grabbed him by the shoulders roughly. Anakin scrambled to his feet, eyes wide.

Obi-Wan stared right into the boy’s eyes. “Anakin, I. Am going. Crazy!!”

The two of them stood there for several minutes after that, but it seemed as if time stood still. No sound except for their harsh breathing. No movement except for Obi-Wan’s eyes as he searched the younger man’s face, looking for answers. Explanations. “What the hell happened back there, Anakin?” he breathed, voice barely audible. He needed to know – know what had happened on Mustafar a little over three months ago.

For the first time in so long, Anakin almost seemed to want to answer. His mouth opened just the slightest…but then something changed in his expression, and he drew away.

It was hopeless, and Obi-Wan loosened his grip and allowed Anakin to go back to his corner, the one farthest from the fire, in the darkest area of the room. He felt numb all over, and the bearded man leaned against the wall, struggling to hold back the torrent of emotions he felt festering inside of him. Hurt, anger, rage, desperation… _It’s like he’s not even a person anymore_ , he thought. _He’s no longer a Jedi, and now he’s no longer human either…_

“An animal?”

The voice, quiet but clear, made him spin around, made his heart jump into his throat. It was a voice he hadn’t heard in three months. Obi-Wan stared at Anakin, waiting for more, mind racing. “Anakin?”

“Well – isn’t that what I am? Isn’t that what the Council assigned you to me for?” His head was on his knees, but Obi-Wan recognized his voice in an instant. It was just a whisper, but Anakin was talking.

But each word the young man said was like a bullet to the heart. At that moment, Anakin looked up, an expression of pure anger, hurt, and confusion on his face. “Tell me! Isn’t that what I am to you? An animal you’re assigned to care for? A beast your supposed to tame?” His eyes narrowed. “A monster, that you’ve been ordered to cage away until one of us dies?”

Obi-Wan was speechless, confused, shocked… When he received no answer, Anakin dropped his head back onto his knees.

“A-Anakin.” He sounded strange, hoarse, but Obi-Wan finally found his voice. Slowly, shaking, he walked over to the boy, and then knelt down in front of him. “Anakin, is that what you really think?”

No reply.

“Anakin, please.” For the first time in three months, he had heard another person’s voice. And now he wanted more – and not only that. He needed to know what was going through his former apprentice’s mind. “Anakin, please answer me.”

Silence.

“Anakin.” Obi-Wan bit his lip, and then hesitantly, he placed a hand on Anakin’s shoulder. It was the first real, physical contact he had willingly made with the other man ever since the purge, Obi-Wan then realized. He leaned in closer, pleading for an answer. “Anakin, I never thought of you like that – I swear. Anakin, answer me. You can talk to me.”

Still no response. Obi-Wan sighed, and then fell back until he was sitting on the floor. A single tear escaped his close guard and fell onto his faded tunic. “Anakin, please.”

It was no use. The former Jedi Knight didn’t move or make any sort of reaction.

This time, as silence fell once again, the only noise in the snowed-in shack was that of Obi-Wan’s choked, broken sobs.

* * *

 

He felt almost insane with adrenaline as he continued using a frying pan to scoop out the rest of the snow that covered the door. It was one month since Anakin had talked – four if you counted their stay in the cabin. Obi-Wan had been in silence ever since Anakin’s short speech, and when he felt a light breeze finally make it through the snow drifts that had covered the door and windows. The former Jedi practically _plowed_ through the rest, not bothering to scoop it away, just forcing his shaking body through until finally…

…finally he was free.

He stood knee-deep in snow, surrounding by wind and fresh air and just the feeling of being alive. No longer trapped. Obi-Wan let out a giddy laugh as he noticed speeder tracks in the nearby path. There was still snow, yes, but much less than it had been. “It must’ve just been piled up against the cabin,” he mused, grinning.

And just in time. Their food supply was low, and so was their wood. Obi-Wan half ran, half stumbled back into the shack. However, his smile faded away slightly when he saw Anakin staring at him from the corner, frowning.

An uncomfortable tension filled the air, but Obi-Wan quickly shrugged it off, too animated now to linger on his depression. “We’re not snowed in anymore, Anakin,” he stated, trying to smile but failing at Anakin’s dead stare. “I-I need to go get some supplies. We’re almost out of food.”

Silence.

 _Okay then, be silent_ , he thought, irritated. He didn’t feel like arguing or screaming or protesting right now. He just wanted to get out, get out of that damned cabin. He quickly looked around. No sharp objects around, nothing with which Anakin could hurt himself. Once satisfied his ward would be okay for the next few hours, he grabbed the few credits he had left and locked the door behind him.

He felt a thrill as he walked around the small marketplace, breathing in the clean air. Depression was in the farthest corners of his mind, but there was a still a mind-numbing feeling of…loneliness. The insanity that had plagued him for four months still lingered, and suddenly being in the public made him feel giddy and lightheaded.

“I’m free,” he kept mumbling to himself, and suddenly, he eyed a transport for hire. He glanced at the remaining credits in his hands, and then stared at the ship with an odd expression. _Can I really spend the rest of my life like I spent this winter? Can I take it? I don’t think I can…I can’t…I can’t do that again…I could leave…I wouldn’t have to come back…I could leave_ … The thought kept running through his mind, chilling his blood. _Could I really do that? Really leave Anakin, leave my duty? Abandon him? Could I handle the guilt? Guilt or pure insanity?_

And then suddenly, he was comparing it in a different way.

_Betrayal or loyalty._

Anakin had done terrible things. He had destroyed what was once his home, killed who had once been his friends. He had lost his former trust, his pride, his spirit. He had lost everything, and Obi-Wan was all he had left.

 _Things could get better_.

Sighing one last time, Obi-Wan turned, and with a sack of supplies over his back, he hiked back to the cabin.

* * *

Empty. Ghostlike. Completely abandoned.

Fear and panic filled him as he tore through the cabin. No sign of Anakin. Nowhere. He was gone, completely.

Obi-Wan thrust open the doors to the bedrooms, still finding no one. Now he was truly frantic, searching for the young man around the cabin, and finding not even his tracks. “Anakin!”  He screamed into the sky, but there was no answer. “Anakin, where are you? Anakin!”

Nothing. Silence greeted him, as it always had for the past four months.

Anakin was gone.

Feeling numb and shocked, Obi-Wan trudged back into the desolate cabin and shut the door, then dropping to the ground, breathing heavy. _I can’t believe this. I can’t believe he left. He left_.

Anakin was gone.

Obi-Wan’s mind flashed back to the trials of the winter, the suffocating depression, the screams and the shouts. Throughout it all, Anakin had remained silent all except for one time.

_“…isn’t that what I am to you? A monster you’ve been ordered to keep caged until one of us dies?...”_

“Oh, Anakin.” Obi-Wan dropped his head into his hands, trying to sort out his desperate feelings, emotions he couldn’t even understand. He remained crouched on the cold floor for several minutes, and he felt a slight rustle next to him. He looked down, and saw an old scrap of yellowed paper at his feet, tucked into a crack in the floor.

Fingers shaking, Obi-Wan reached down and held the paper up – and groaned. On it, written in Anakin’s quick manuscript, were the words he had forgotten all about. The words that had finally made Vader disappear, and Anakin return to the light. Anakin’s parting words to him.

_You were my brother. I loved you._

**Author's Note:**

> This story has a sequel: "Sweet Insanity II".


End file.
